Letter to Jack
by rawpotato
Summary: Hotch wrote a letter to Jack, just in case something bad were to happen to him. Post '100'.


_**Disclaimer: **__I do not now, nor have I ever owned Criminal Minds. This is sad. For me, for you... it's just plain sad._

_**AN:**__ Hey, this idea circled around my head for a while. It's a letter that Hotch wrote for Jack, detailing how he met Haley. Jack is still super young and I think at four (he was born in the first season... now four years later) he wouldn't understand things, like 'worst Pirate ever.' So, Hotch being prepared, writes this letter. I hope you like, or at least agree with me that Hotch would be prepared.

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My dearest Jack;

I wrote this letter in response to a promise I made your mother shortly before she died. In her final moments, moments filled with terror and other nefarious things, she thought only of you. You and how much she loved you. I can still hear her voice; hear it as clear as that day.

"_Promise me that you will tell him how we met. Tell him how you used to make me laugh. I need him to know that you weren't always so serious Aaron. I want him to believe in love. Because it is the most important thing. But you need to show him. Promise me."_

I gave her my word, and well, you know how that ended.

I tried my best to teach you about love. To show you that no matter what happened that day, love will always be with you, and will always comfort you. Sometimes you may feel that you are without love, but love will never, never turn its back on you Jack. Never.

So here it is the story of how your mother and I feel in love.

I was 17. Young, impossibly young and yet I had become a man. My father, your grandfather had just passed away from cancer. He was never a truly loving man, yet I'm sure in his own way, he did the best he could. I took charge of my brother, your Uncle Sean, and became the man of the house. Yet my mother, bless her soul, demanded I still be a child. I rebelled. I joined a band. I never could sing, so instead I played bass. I kept the rhythm, the tempo, and I controlled the rest of the band. I liked that control.

But something I had never done, and swore I never would do, would be act. I couldn't sing, I'm not very good looking, and I was surly enough that I was sure I would make a terrible actor. But then I saw her. And I fell in love. It overtook my heart, my life, my very soul.

She walked into the auditions for that semesters play, "Pirates of Penzance". So I walked into the auditions, and just stared at her. Luckily, my name hadn't been called that day. I rushed home, and opened my yearbook from the previous year. It took a long while, yet the search was worth the wait, when I finally laid eyes on her. The black and white did her no justice what so ever, but I had her name. Haley Brooks. The love in my heart had a name, and it wouldn't stop shouting it out loud.

So I went back to the auditions, and acted my heart out and became, what your mother and I would agree, was the worst fourth pirate in the play. I'm sure any other fine actor who had portrayed the part was hanging their head in shame at my performance.

But my plan had worked, I had inserted myself into her life, and therefore she in mine, and we started dating. I had loved her from that first look, and I loved her until they day she died. I know that we were separated and divorced, but I always loved her.

All through the rest of high-school and law school, we were together. We had our ups, our downs and everything in between, but no matter what happened, we always had each other. It sounds ridiculously cliché to say that we laughed, we cried, we loved and we hated, but it's true.

True enough, that when I asked her to be my wife, my knee bent and tears in my eyes, she said yes. There was no hesitation, not one negative thought about us being married.

Our marriage was wonderful. My job, the BAU, literally showed me the worst humanity had to offer. In the beginning, when I came home to her, she would welcome me with a kiss and a hug, and all that I had seen and fought would be wiped away. Her smile always made me smile. She was the most beautiful when she smiled, and in those moments it was all I could do not to stare at her.

15 years into our life together we became pregnant with you. We were so happy. For the longest time we had wanted a baby. A child to call our own, and to love. We welcomed you to the world that fall day, and it seemed as if life couldn't get any better.

A few years passed and something in us changed. Your mother and I, we never stopped loving each other, but something had come between us.

All of it my fault. I had changed from the man she married. I was no longer innocent to the ways of the world, and I felt it a duty, a responsibility, to stop the horrors of the world. She asked me not to go, but I did anyway, thinking that she would understand, and still be there for me when I got home. Those smiles she gave me, those kisses, still made my day that much brighter.

But when I walked into the house and saw that you were both gone, my heart broke, and I knew that I had ruined the best thing in my life. I believe, truly believe that if you love someone, honestly love them, you do whatever you have to, to make them happy. Or if not happy, at least give them what they want.

I wanted you and your mother back in my life, but she wanted a divorce. I tried to fight for her, for you, but in the end, because I loved her, I had to let her go. I could see that what I was doing, my job, was hurting her, and that hurt me more than letting her go ever could.

Jack, I loved your mother with my whole heart. I loved her most of my life. She will always be in my heart because she gave me the best part of my life. You. I do not begrudge her leaving, nor do I regret any moment of my life with her. Together we had you, and that will forever leave echoes of her in my heart.

So much of what was good in her is in you. Her strength, her tenacity, her joy, her ability to love, and thankfully, we often joked, her looks. She will always live on in your heart. She will live on because you and I both carry her in hearts because she loved us.

I leave this letter for you in the yearbook for two reasons.

The first: it is bookmarked by the cast picture of 'Pirates of Penzance.' Your mother, the star of the show is there in the middle, smiling and looking at the camera. I was so enthralled with looking at her that I hadn't noticed the picture was being taken. I am smiling at her the way I smiled at her always; with love and admiration.

For the second reason you will have to flip through to the back page. I had given her my yearbook to sign; she took it and walked off with her friends. An hour later she returned the book with a soft kiss. It was the first love letter I ever received. The entire back pages were covered with her neat writing, and I read it quickly. I must have read this letter a million times since my junior year, and even though the words have been forever seared in my memory, whenever I look at them I always smile. It was the first time she had said she loved me.

Jack I may not have been the best example to show you love, or anything for that matter, but I can keep the promise I made to your mother. I can tell you about how we met. I hope that when you read this, you will understand how much I loved her.

One final thing, no matter what happened to us, no matter how we ended up, your mother and I loved each other. We had you; we both loved you so much.

Love always, your father.

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_**AN2: **Hey party people. Hit me with a review. Only if you want to._


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